No, the irony is not lost on me…
After experimenting with all the advice, I discovered an elegant truth: the simple tricks were always the best.
And so over the years I’ve whittled down my productivity hacks to a core arsenal of tried-and-tested techniques.
But as the relationship and sex geek that I am, I didn’t stop there.
I realised that you could use these hacks to not only boost your work life, but to improve your sex life too.
‘Cause while I’m sure this won’t come as a surprise, running your own business – especially when it’s with your partner – can have unintended consequences on your relationship:
- Working early mornings and late nights (when you’re already at home, it’s easy to keep on working right through to bedtime)…
- Talking shop over breakfast, lunch and dinner…
- And yes, shame of shames – taking work into the bedroom.
So while setting clear work-life boundaries and prioritising date nights has been essential to keeping our relationship healthy, these 11 productivity hacks have helped fill in the gaps and keep sexual connection on the menu. Even when we’re crazy busy or stressed.
improve your sex life hack #1
Turn Off Alerts
Since installing Facebook Newsfeed Eradicator, my productivity (at the desk AND in the bedroom) has never looked back.
Coupled with a habit of using the ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode on my phone, this hack has made living in the 21st century, contactable-at-all-times-in-a-million-different-ways social media-crazed world more bearable.
Less distractions means I get more work done.
It also means I’m more present when it’s ‘us time’. I’m not tempted to check my phone for notifications, ‘cause there won’t be any.
Switching notifications back on requires conscious effort, which is enough of a guilt-barrier that I’ll only do it when I’m finished with the task at hand or date night is over. Mostly I forget, and enjoy my time in a cave-woman like notification-free bliss bubble.
Sure, there’s been a few social snafus here and there, but overall?
improve your sex life hack #2
Listen to Music
When it’s time to get down to business – yes, pun intended – I listen to the same album, over and over again: Safe in the Steep Cliffs, by Emancipator (I’m listening to it right now).
It helps focus me, blocks out distractions and after years of using the same music whenever I write, I’ve trained myself to get in the zone whenever I hear it. Kinda like Pavlov’s dog.
You can use music in the bedroom to the same effect, keeping you focused and in the moment. Through repetition, music will signal your brain that now is the time for action – get turned on!
It might sound laughable at first, but there’s a lot of research behind this. Women especially are extremely sensitive to their environment when it comes to sex, and a distracting thought or the wrong kinda vibe can prevent us from feeling aroused.
Mindfulness and presence is a proven way to get more enjoyment and more intimate connection out of sex, and music is a great way to make that happen.
And the numbers don’t lie. A recent poll of 30,000 people found that 67% of respondents have more sex while listening to music at home.
So crank the tunes and get busy – in the office and the bedroom.
improve your sex life hack #3
Use Why Power, Not Will Power
When you know what’s important to you – your why of what you do – choosing your priorities becomes a hell of a lot easier.
Whether it’s deciding on your schedule for the day or sketching out your 10 year plan, knowing your why is how you ensure maximum productivity and fulfilment.
It’s exactly the same in your sex life.
Most people have never sat down and reflected on why they like to have sex, let alone shared those reasons with their partner. Yet it’s a conversation that took my sex life from good to exceptional.
Get clear on why you have sex, what it gives you and how it feeds your relationship. This simple hack to improve your sex life is like rocket fuel for motivation and desire.
➜ RELATED: How to Enjoy Sex More: 7 Essential Tips for Women (That Actually Work)
improve your sex life hack #4
You’ve heard all the research:
And what better way to exercise than morning sex?
It’s easy to fall into the habit of only having sex in the evenings. But when you’re tired from a long day at work and you just want to veg on the couch, night time sex is easy to put off.
Sure, mornings make it tempting to press the snooze button. But with a little self-control, the fun, pleasure and connection that awaits you is pretty good motivation. It really is the best way to start the day.
(If you’re a morning person and your partner isn’t, you’re not alone – that’s how it is in our relationship too. Want to learn how to overcome it?
Our Reignite Your Love Life course shows you how and sooo much more).
improve your sex life hack #5
One of the many great things about being your own boss (traded off by all the not-so-great things) is that we get to choose our meetings. No compulsory 2 hour staff meetings on a Friday afternoon or time-wasting meets when an email will do.
True to Parkinson’s Law however, a meeting will expand to fill the time allotted to it.
Schedule a one-hour meeting? The meeting takes an hour. Once we started scheduling 30 minute meetings, surprisingly we needed only 30 minutes.
How does this help your sex life?
The time honoured tradition of the quickie.
A lush 2 hour sex date is… lush. But let’s be real: it’s not always possible (and if you’re someone who needs time a little time to get in the mood, Hack #9 is for you).
But changing your expectation is a winner too.
A quickie doesn’t have to mean penetrative sex. It might be 30 minutes of passionate kissing, hands-all-over groping, or some tasty oral sex. In fact, taking penetrative sex off the menu altogether might even help you to get more creative and bring back some of that early relationship spark.
It’s all about making time for each other, and your own enjoyment. 30 minutes is plenty of time to have some fun, reconnect and enjoy some pleasure together.
improve your sex life hack #6
Out With To-Dos, In With Scheduling
If you want something done, don’t put it on your to-do list. Schedule it instead.
This hack has completely changed my life:
From prioritising important work tasks (writing this article for example), making time for ‘social biscuits’ (a term coined by one of my clients that I am trying to spread the world over) to yes, having sex with my man.
Getting Things Done by David Allan is my go-to approach for task management and creating as much inner zen-like calm as I can.
A key concept is scheduling things into your calendar – and then treating them as non-negotiable.
This might sound unsexy for your relationship, but it doesn’t have to be. There are plenty of ways to make sure scheduling sex isn’t lame (I’ll write a list of my top 10 soon).
With a little creativity and an open mind, scheduling sex can become the bedrock of your sex life.
The way I see it, sex is far too important to leave up to spontaneous chance or languishing at the bottom of your to-do list.
Schedule it and make it happen. It might seem weird at first, but once you get started you’ll improve your sex life in ways you can’t yet imagine.
➜ RELATED: 6 Simple Ways We Make Time For Sex (Even When We’re Busy AF)
improve your sex life hack #7
“If you don’t have time, you don’t have priorities.”
Wise, wise words.
I’ll be honest: this has been a hard one to learn. I have a lifetime of people pleasing, FOMO, perfectionism and superwoman neurosis working against me.
But learning to say ‘no’ to people, projects and parties that would put too much stress on me has brought about a huge improvement to the quality of my life.
You can’t do it all. That’s OK. Fulfilment is about finding what works for you, stripping back to the essentials and letting go of the rest.
Saying no is how you get more time for the important stuff. It’s how you get more time for your relationships, and for your sex life.
The flip side of this is giving yourself permission to say no to sex. It can be a challenge, I get it. You feel like you ‘should’, you don’t want to let your partner down and you don’t want to start an argument.
But finding your true, empowered, enthusiastic YES to sex starts with being able to say no.
(Feel like you’re ALWAYS the one saying no but you want to want sex? Or are you on the receiving end and wish you could hear yes a little more often? Click here to find out how.)
improve your sex life hack #8
Silence Your Inner Perfectionist
The inner critic can spell death to your most important creative pursuits. And the more you care about something, the harsher it can be. While perfectionism can drive you to be better and do better, it can also be a slippery slope to procrastination.
It needs to be kept in check if you want to be productive and effective at work.
In the bedroom, perfectionism is pure poison.
Worrying about how you look, how you sound or your sexual performance absolutely kills enjoyment.
Spectatoring – where you’re focusing on yourself from a third person perspective and critiquing everything you do, rather than enjoying your pleasure and your partner – has been shown time again to get in the way of orgasms (not that orgasms are the goal) and reduce your overall satisfaction with sex. Like I said – poison.
I know this is a hard one. I’m a recovering perfectionist too. But I’m not exaggerating when I say that your happiness depends on your ability to get this shit under control.
Saying goodbye to perfectionism really will improve your sex life and your career.
improve your sex life hack #9
Make the Most of ‘Lost Hours’
Those small chunks of time between tasks and appointments can quickly add up, eating into your overall available time. Some days I can spend hours driving between workshops, client meetings and other little life errands. Before I know it I’ve spent a grand total of about 3 hours doing actual work.
The rest of it feels like lost time.
But with a bit of creativity, it doesn’t have to be:
Schedule calls during your commute, smash through your inbox when you’re on hold, or my absolute favourite – listening to podcasts for inspiration – can make this time incredibly productive.
These ‘lost hours’ can be excellent for your sex life too.
One of the biggest barriers we face to having more sex is that we’re ‘not in the mood’. But using these spare in-between minutes to actively stoke your fire can turn that around.
Send a sexy message to your partner as you’re waiting for a meeting to start. Play the ‘remembering game’ while you’re stuck in traffic: re-playing all the delicious details of last week’s romp over in your mind, or take a quick 5 minutes to put on a sensual song and seduce yourself while you’re waiting for the pasta to boil.
Don’t leave desire to chance. Spend time warming yourself up during the day and when you next see your partner, the sexual tension will have you tearing at each other’s clothes.
improve your sex life hack #10
Love Your Temple
If the machine is broken, you’re going to get sub-par results. Meaning: if you’re running on caffeine and chocolate bars, you won’t be able to give your best.
Drink enough water, get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, and keep recreational toxins to a minimum. It ain’t rocket science, but sometimes we all need a little truth-speakin’ slap in the face.
How that helps improve your sex life?
When you feel good in your body, you feel good in the bedroom.
And you can take this beyond simply prioritising health too.
Spend some time grooming and loving up your temple. Whether that’s wearing clothes your feel hot in, getting the more expensive haircut or choosing loving self-talk over toxic self-trash speak.
It’ll make a huge difference in how confident you feel, and how willing you are to share your body with someone else. Negative body issues are a huge barrier not only to sexual desire but also your experience of pleasure.
Nourish that temple, baby.
improve your sex life hack #11
Redecorate Your Room
Your environment has a huge impact on your productivity and your well-being. A 2010 study by psychologists Hallam & Knight found that productivity and overall well-being increased when office workers were in a space they were could decorate and organise according to their own personality and needs.
A space void of any decoration or ‘personality’ or one that was dictated to them had an adverse effect.
But you probably don’t need a study to tell you what you already know: if you feel good in a space, you’re more likely to do your best work.
When it comes to sex, your surroundings can be just as important.
For sex to be enjoyable, you’ve gotta be relaxed. And for many of us – myself included – having a space where we feel comfortable is a big part of that.
This goes waaaay beyond a soft bed and quality sheets.
For me, a waterproof mattress protector is a must – ‘cause sex can be messy, and worrying about the clean-up takes me out of the moment.
I’ve had a client who repainted her bedroom because the peeling paint was distracting when she and her husband got busy. Not any more.
And we’ve all heard the cliché that candles and flowers are aphrodisiacs to women. Well, it’s a cliché for a reason.
Buy some new sheets, put some candles around or hang a sexy painting (even better, some sexy snaps of yourselves). An inspiring space will definitely improve your sex life.
It’s easy done, but will have a huge pay-off.
Hi, I’m Jodie - a life, love, and sexual empowerment coach. I work with women and couples to help them create the lives, love, and sex they’ve always wanted. More love, more passion, more pleasure, and more fulfilment.
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