Emotional breakdown is happening to women at epidemic proportions*, yet itās a conversation too few of us are having.
Women are up to 50% more likely* to experience stress than men, and more likely to suffer from the physical symptoms of stress as well.
But stress is only one part of the problem. Emotional breakdown is something that runs much deeper.
On the surface everything looks fine ā you go to work, you perform the daily routines, and somehow keep juggling all the balls of modern adulting.
But on the inside, thereās a storm raging.
Thereās a feeling of uneasiness. Of near constant anxiety and worry. Youāre physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
And yet you keep going.
You dare not stop and look at whatās really going on, lest you completely fall apart.
Until you reach emotional breaking point and Just. Canāt. Even.
- That point where youāve run your body into the groundĀ and your health seriously deteriorates.
- Or you look at your intimate relationship and realise itās over, even though you donāt fully understand why.
- Or you wake up one morning and realise youāre living a life that doesnāt make you happy.
I know, ’cause Iāve been there.
My very own emotional breakdown happened in 2012 when I watched my whole life unravel in the space of about two months.
My relationship of 5 years ended. Our house plummeted in value, leaving me drowning in debt. My weight fell dangerously below 50kg, and panic attacks on the way to work were happening on the regular.
Yep. I was a red hot mess.
The thing is, the warning signs were there, but I didnāt recognise them until it was too late. I refused to look at what was really going on until my life blew up in my face.
So why did I wait until complete emotional breakdown?
It was a combination of things:
- I wasnāt ready to face the truth.
- I didnāt know who to talk to, or even how to talk about it.
- I simply didn’t understand what was going on for me, or how to fix it.
Fast forward to now, and I hardly recognise my life. Iām married to a man I adore. I have a business Iām deeply passionate about. I know who I am and I live life on my own terms.
But my journey of burnout recovery took time.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to emotional breakdown, as it required me to look at some really uncomfortable personal shit. But it was also one of the most beautifully profound and worthwhile journeys of my life.
But back to the emotional breakdown signs…
Some of them were obvious: Exhaustion. Irritability. Insomnia. Headaches. Panic attacks. But they didnāt show up until I was right in the middle of a full blown breakdown.
It was the lesser-known symptoms that were there for months – years even – that I’d completely missed, because I didn’t know what to look for.
Which is why Iām sharing them with you now.
Here are the 8 warnings signs of emotional breakdown in women I wished Iād seen earlier.
emotional breakdown warning sign #1:
You Canāt Feel Your Vagina
I used to hate my vagina. And my vulva.
Not only did I think she was shameful, smelly and kinda weird, she was also the source of cramps and period woes, unwanted attention, and all of the bullshit I associated with being a woman.
Itās no surprise my vagina was numb.
I couldnāt feel my arousal (or lack of), which meant I pressured myself into sex before I was ready.
And the physical penetration part wasn’t even that pleasurable. Sex was something I did for love and connection. But over time it just left me feeling cut off from myself, and increasingly insecure.
It was a sign that deep down, something wasnāt right. Yet I ignored the warnings.
The thing is, most women donāt enjoy the full range of sensation and pleasure in their vagina. Itās like our vaginas are asleep.
But itās not really our fault.
The cultural shame and silence around vaginas can be difficult to break.
Weāre not taught how to experience pleasure or how to wake her up. Not to mention the trauma so many of us experience that makes us shut off and shut down.
When it comes to connecting to our female bodies, especially our vaginas, thereās a lot of toxic shit getting in the way.
Toxic shit that also makes us feel ashamed of our bodies, or like they donāt belong to us. Toxic shit that makes us feel we have to compete, prove and people-please; that we have to shave, scrub, bleach, pluck, diet, nip and tuck our way to perfection.
Itās a chronic form of low-level stress that makes us feel like weāre never enough.
But building a positive relationship with your V parts can change this.
It sounds radical, yet Iāve seen it time and time again with my coaching clients and with myself: when you learn to love your body – your vagina, your vulva, your breasts, your stretch marks, your cellulite – when you learn how to embrace your pleasure birthright, awesome shit starts to happen in your life.
You give less fucks about things that donāt matter. You feel more confident. You feel like a stronger woman. And yes, you have much more pleasurable sex.
Feeling disconnected from your vagina can be an emotional breakdown sign, but it can also be the most beautiful invitation.
Your sexual confidence, your sexual health, a vibrant sex life, and abundant pleasure all await you on the other side of that journey.
emotional breakdown warning sign #2:
You Don’t Understand Your Cycle
Want to hear something incredible?
You can pinpoint the exact day you ovulate. No, not by counting days or using an app. By listening to the signs in your body.
If youāve ever worked hard to conceive, you probably know this already, but learning this information completely changed my life.
It gave me an effective and natural alternative to the pill, and it revolutionised my relationship with my body.
- Understanding your cycle is crucial to living in harmony with your body, because the hormonal ups and downs influence your body and mind in complex ways.
- Your cycle affects your energy levels, your moods, your brain function, your sexual desire, and your nutritional requirements.
- There are times in your cycle when your body needs rest, and times when youāre All Systems Go. There are times when your social skills are peaking, and times that are best for quiet reflection. There are times when your brain is more critical, and times when youāre more creative.
But if you donāt understand these unique phases of your cycle, itās like flying blind.
Instead of being in flow with your natural rhythms, you push against yourself. Worst of all, you end up judging yourself for being so āup and downā every month.
Not understanding your cycle is a unique driver of burnout in women. Not to mention that so many of the symptoms we endure throughout our cycle ā PMS, cramping, breast tenderness, irritability, fatigue, migraines, fluid retention ā are in fact symptoms of hormonal imbalance, and are in most cases totally treatable.
But unless youāre informed about your individual cycle, itās hard to take the right steps to rectify the problem.
When you know your cycle, you know yourself as a woman.
Related: Your Seasonal Cycle – The Ultimate Guide to Fixing Period Problems, Balancing Hormones, & Unleashing Your Feminine Power
emotional breakdown warning sign #3:
You’re Not Interested In Sex
When I first started seeing my ex, the sex was great. I wanted it, he wanted it, and it all seemed to happen without too much thought or effort. Everything just worked.
Until it didnāt.
Over the years my desire for sex slowly evaporated until I got to the point where the thought of it made me cringe. And it left me asking the painful question: āWhatās wrong with me?ā
The truth is, low desire is the most common sexual complaint among women, affecting up to a third of women in the US.
And because we donāt talk about it enough (not to mention the shitload of misinformation that is out there), most of us end up thinking weāre broken. We blame our body, our sex drive, our hormones, our libido.
But thereās usually a really good reason why you donāt want sex. And it has nothing to do with your āsex driveā.
Because your desire for sex is a reflection of your context – everything thatās going on in your life, your relationship, and even your mind. In other words, thereās something hitting the brakes on your sexual desire (or there’s not enough hitting the accelerator).
The most common cause of low desire, and a huge part of what was going on for me…?
Stress.
Which is why low sexual desire is one of the clearest emotional breakdown signs there is.
A big part of my burnout recovery (and rediscovering my desire) was letting go of the need to be some kinda super-woman who could be, do, and have it all.
It also meant taking a good look at my life, identifying the areas where I wasnāt happy, and learning how my desire really works.
How deep you go on that journey is up to you, but there are some essentials you can do right now:
Slow down.
Unplug.
Make time for rest.
Be honest (and gentle) with yourself about what’s going on. Get support if you need it. Then commit toĀ taking the necessary steps at a pace that feels good for you.
Youāre not broken – there’s just something getting in the way. Find out what that is, and you might just save yourself from emotional breakdown while you’re at it.
emotional breakdown warning sign #4:
You’re A Perfectionist
With all the inspirational memes and personal power rah-rah out there, itās easy to get caught up in the hype.
Wake up at 5am and hustle your face off. Goal set and productivity hack. #LiveYourBestLife. And while youāre at it, donāt forget to take a selfie and Instagram about it.
The “wellbeing” industry spurs you on harder:
The workshops, the books, the podcasts, the coaching, the health challenges. It all feels super empowering and kick-ass.
Until it doesnāt.
Donāt get me wrong – working on your āstuffā and taking radical responsibility for your life is great. And yes, it will help you create a life that truly fulfils you. However you define that.
But thereās a sinister trap in the wellbeing industry thatās all too easy to fall into: pushing yourself to be BETTER because you believe youāre not enough as you are.
In other words – perfectionism. And I was guilty AF of it:
- I ran myself ragged at work trying to prove I deserved to be there.
- I yoga-ed and meditated because I thought I needed to be more āspiritualā.
- I read all the self-help books looking for a way to feel like a more grown-ass human.
Because I thought worthiness meant being perfect.
But the problem with perfect is that itās unattainable. The goal posts keep moving, keeping you on the self-development treadmill. You’re continually pushing and striving and competing, but never actually getting anywhere.
Thereās only so long you can keep that up before burnout and emotional breakdown hit.
The best kind of personal growth comes from a place of self-respect and inherent worthiness. Itās not about striving and proving – itās about clarity. Itās about working out what it is you truly want and granting yourself the permission – and the self-belief – to get after it.
Itās taken me a while to ditch my perfectionism. And if Iām brutally honest, I still struggle with it from time to time. There are moments when I feel like my accomplishments arenāt enough. That I should be doing more.
But I catch myself more than ever, and remind myself to come back to self-worth and respect. ‘Cause thatās where the true magic happens.
emotional breakdown warning sign #5:
The Intimacy in Your Relationship Has Faded
A lacklustre relationship isnāt just a sign youāre headed for emotional breakdown, it can be a significant contributing factor.
Of all the areas in your life – career, health, parenting, hobbies – itās usually your relationship with your partner that suffers most. When youāre struggling to give a piece to everyone, your relationship ends up getting the scraps.
And if youāre not feeding your relationship – whether itās with quality time, appreciation or emotional intimacy – itās going to suffer.
In other words: complacency creeps in.
If your relationship is in relatively good shape, it can probably weather this for a short period of time. But no matter how strong, thereās no relationship that can live off scraps forever.
Over time your communication breaks down. Your patience for each other wears thin and you start bickering over stupid shit. Even though you see each other every single day, youāre like ships passing in the night.
You feel unappreciated, unloved and unseen. And if you could actually ask them the question without it turning into an argument, theyād probably say they feel the same way.
Of course, it takes two to tango, and the problems in your relationship might run deeper than just complacency and neglect. But emotional burnout puts so much strain on a relationship that it can send it to breaking point.
The good news here is that addressing burnout and improving your relationship has double the benefit: Your relationship is no longer a source of stress in your life AND it becomes a safe haven that nourishes and replenishes you.
So whether itās appreciating the little things, or taking the plunge to upgrade how you do relationship – focusing on your relationship pays huge dividends.
It may just be the best thing you do not only for your mental health, but your shared happiness for the rest of your life.
emotional breakdown warning sign #6:
You’re Always Comparing Yourself With Others
As Theodore Roosevelt so wisely said, āComparison is the thief of joyā.
If we know it’s so unhealthy, why do we keep doing it?
Here’s the thing:
Comparison can be useful. When you ācompare downā to those less fortunate, it can help you appreciate the blessings in your life, or just how far youāve come. And when you ācompare upā to those that inspire you, it can give you direction, motivation, and help you figure out what you want.
But if youāre constantly comparing and feeling like shit about yourself, itās a dangerous sign of emotional breakdown.
Itās more than just comparison though.
What triggers us in other people can say a lot about our relationship with ourselves. We get stirred up and triggered by the very things we self-judge or feel out of touch with:
- Think someone is bragging or showing off their success? How successful and fulfilled do you feel in your own life? Is there some untouched passion that you wish you were pursuing or being praised for, but are stuck worrying about failure?
- Find yourself judging another woman as attention seeking or slutty? Whatās your relationship with your own sexuality like? Do you know how to embrace your sensuality? Do you feel unsafe or shameful about expressing yourself as a sexual being?
A healthy relationship with yourself allows healthy relationships with others – especially women.
Address those areas in your life where youāre not expressing yourself as the whole woman that you are. Youāll find it so much easier to celebrate the women around you instead of feeling threatened or competitive.
emotional breakdown warning sign #7:
You’ve Got Decision Fatigue
Thereās your everyday garden variety indecision, like trying to pick a movie on Netflix…
Then thereās the kind of indecision that cripples you and brings your whole life to a grinding halt.
Chronic indecision means you plan less and stop taking action, starting a downward spiral of overwhelm that brings on emotional breakdown even sooner.
When I reached my point of emotional breakdown, the rest of my life unravelled pretty quickly:
- I couldnāt decide what to eat, so Iād just eat junk or skip meals altogether.
- I couldnāt decide how to spend my weekends, so I just sat around watching movies feeling like crap.
- I couldnāt decide on a spending plan (ācause what even are my priorities?) so I kept on spending recklessly and falling deeper into debt.
But the hardest decisions were the big ones:
WTF do I want to do with my life? Am I happy in my job? Am I happy in my relationship? Should I stay, or should I go?
I was completely and utterly stuck. All because I didnāt know how to choose.
Being decisive comes from knowing who you are and what you want. It requires you to have boundaries, to understand your needs, and to feel confident standing by them.
I was only in my mid-twenties at the time, so I didnāt feel like I really knew myself yet. And my boundaries were definitely shaky.
But when youāre close to an emotional breakdown, your self-confidence takes a dive, making it hard to move forward in any direction.
You canāt hear your inner voice or what you really want because thereās so much background noise drowning it out.
At the time it was easy to brush off, because adulting is hard, right? But now that Iām on the other side, I can see just how deep my indecision ran, and how much it was messing with my life.
It can be a scary journey, but working out who you are and what you want to do with your one wild and precious life is everything.
emotional breakdown warning sign #8:
You Find It Hard To Say ‘No’
Being a āgood womanā is too often modelled as being passive, subservient, or a people-pleasing martyr.
Itās a hangover from our pre-feminist ideals for sure, but it also stems from the mother archetype ā the ultimate self-sacrificing, unconditionally loving maternal being.
Unfortunately, weāve reduced this archetype to a meek, two-dimensional simplification.
A mother has incredible strength and power, and can be downright vicious when those she loves are threatened. And if youāve ever had the honour of witnessing a woman give birth ā thereās nothing demure or gentle about her. Sheās raw and primal and incredibly powerful.
Here’s the point I’m trying to make:
You donāt have to sacrifice your power to be a āgoodā woman. Nor do you have to be rigid or aggressive. You can be open and loving even while you have strong boundaries. You can be supportive and kind even while you stand strong in who you are and what you want.
And ultimately, you get to define what āwomanā is all for yourself.
If you canāt say ānoā out of a sense of guilt or duty (or want to say yes but canāt for the same reasons), then youāre betraying yourself for the sake of others.
You donāt have to put your needs before everyone else, but at the very least, you have to give them the same value.
Your ānoā makes space for your āyesā. And without your no, youāll always have too much on your plate, and not enough time for yourself.
Repeated over time this adds up to a life lived for those around you, instead of a life lived for yourself.
Preventing Emotional Breakdown
You donāt have to reach crisis point before you get real and take stock of your life. If youāre noticing any of these emotional breakdown warnings signs, you can start the journey now.
Get curious.
Start journaling.
Ask yourself the tough questions and listen to what comes up.
All of these burnout symptoms are both a warning and a place to start. Addressing each one has a reward unto itself.
- Build a healthy relationship with your body and you unlock a whole new potential for pleasure and self-love.
- Tune into your cycle and you learn how to live in harmony with your hormones.
- Get to know yourself on a deep, unshakable level, and you can start saying yes to the life you really want to live.
Address them all, and you live as the powerful, confident, radiant woman you came here to be.
Hi, Iām Jodie - a life, love, and sexual empowerment coach. I work with women and couples to help them create the lives, love, and sex theyāve always wanted. More love, more passion, more pleasure, and more fulfilment.
Apply for a complimentary 1:1 coaching session here.